wakey wakey hands off snakey
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
