Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
