help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
