porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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