"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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