By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
