i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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