you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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