$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
BRING THE BAGELS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize