I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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