look no pants
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize