Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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