someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
