this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I love having hate sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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