I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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