pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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