sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
