two words: eviction party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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