I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
