RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
