I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
