Already got asked if we're dating
I cockslap morals
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
