So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
