I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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