As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
