when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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