TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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