Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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