i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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