yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize