Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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