I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up under a house in Key West
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
