I think I died a long time ago.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
