I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
