I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
