I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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