Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
