everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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