There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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