You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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