Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
