I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
