I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
