Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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