apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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