she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
