Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
