I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
