Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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