What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Randomize