in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we're making bets on your personal life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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