Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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