I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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