Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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