i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
