she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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