Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
