I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
