Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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