I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
