you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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