He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
