I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
