Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
