When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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