you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
