Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
