Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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