i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
