my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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