my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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