Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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