Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
