my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
