I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
