I skipped work to stalk him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
