Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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