just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
