put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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