so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
