I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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