So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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