Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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