I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
