STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
