Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
