You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
