i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
