What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
