"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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