There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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