didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
