do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
