Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
