I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
