Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
