Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
