Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize