I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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