I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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