A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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