it wasn't lemon gatorade
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
