Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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