There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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