Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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