Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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