Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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