Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
