nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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