no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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