I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
