i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize